I hesitated to find the broken art bowl on the shelf of fired ceramics Monday evening. I admit I had to work up a bit of courage.
What was I afraid of?
Why did it matter so much to me how it turned out?
Was I more afraid of your reaction to the appearance of the bowl or mine?
Wow. Where did this ego-based line of questions come from?
Plain and simple; I made myself vulnerable in a very public forum.
Out of all the items I created in ceramics class, none of them carried the weight of perfection like this bowl. In hindsight I see that I set a public goal to create a mystical piece to impress YOU with my creative skills to heal my grief-stricken heart. Instead, I put myself on trial – trial by fire (kiln, actually). There I go again, worrying what others think of me.
A few of the gals in class know the backstory to the bowl and what the intended accomplishment I wanted to gain from it. A young woman, who was unfamiliar to this project, picked it up from the place I set it on the classroom table, and said, “Wow, look at the detail from the embedded coils. This is pretty awesome. Who made this?” My heart beat perked up. A second gal approached her and admired it, as well. My heart skipped a beat with excitement. One of the women who witnessed my creative agony with the bowl (and this blog post series) gave me the best verbal high-five and pat on the back with her statement, “This is beautiful.” What was I so worried about? Everything.
“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less. -Marie Curie
Life Moves On With, or Without, Us
Today, in a state of reflection, I understand the grand purpose in creating this particular bowl.
I placed my existence on pause with the belief I was healing my unbearable wound. I was wrong. Not only did I shut down, but I turned a cold shoulder to all that reached out to me as I rolled over in bed and pulled the sheets over my head. I have much work to do as I pick up my broken pieces and pay the consequences of my choice to stop being. As a dear friend of mine continues to say, “Baby steps.” I shall get through this; it is my journey to traverse. It is up to me to determine how gracefully I live life in motion.
My broken art bowl will be used in my kitchen and on my dining room table. It will serve as a reminder that life is an amazing adventure no matter what we experience.
I raise my mug of lukewarm tea to my monitor in an effort to say, “Cheers to us. May we always be able to find the elements that mend our hearts.”
A Moment of Gratitude
To the individual(s) who gifted me the fee for the October and November ceramics classes ~ I thank you. Your kindness fills my heart with love and gratitude. Each item I created (and scraps I tossed into the clay recycle bucket) carries the energy of your gift; your kindness will continue to expand and grow. This year has been the hardest this mother could bare. I realized in August I was no longer capable of feeling anything and I allowed every aspect of my life to wither away as more dominoes of momma-grief fell harder than the previous block. Art is healing me. It is through the action of doing art that I am expressing what words cannot and I am seeing the beauty in what is. I coined the phrase “Life is an amazing adventure” years ago when life was good and bountiful. I have continued my mantra in these darkest of days to help light my way through 2017. Thank you for being a part of my healing journey. I appreciate you more than I could ever express in words. It will be an honor to pay your gift forward. May our creative voices be heard, felt and inspire others to live their life in forward motion.
To Jenn Ryan ~ thank you reaching out to me in September for an evening of painting and tea. What transpired that evening was a miracle. You cracked open my heart and listened. You reminded me that emotions appear on the canvas in unexpected ways and it is healing to create. We are powerful creators. I simply needed an outlet to let “IT” out of my momma-grief-stricken mind.
“Thank you is the best prayer that anyone could say.” —Alice Walker
As for the wormy carcasses, I am going to take them to class with me tonight and gently place them in the bucket of clay to be recycled. They served their purpose. There is no need to hang onto them and display their lifelessness on a shelf. It is time to let them go so they can teach someone else the true meaning of art therapy.
“Art is not the end result; it’s the process of creating it.” -Peter Kitti
~ Blog Post Series ~
Mending A Broken Art
Allowing Art To Fall Apart
Firing Tender Art
The Purpose of Broken Art
Your bowl is beautiful, but your blogs sharing the experience are works of art as well. You give us all hope. Blessings, dear friend.
Thank you, Barb. Your words touch my heart and fill me with joy. I appreciate all your love and support. You have been there for me each step of this difficult journey with compassionate words and a firm voice to motivate me to keep moving forward. Much love to you!
Simply beautiful Cindy. I’m in awe of your strength and courage as you step through this journey of grief. Much love, Peggy
Thank you for all your love and support, Peggy.
I love your creative healing process as it has reminded me of my past journeys through grief. It is courageous that you are willing to face your vulnerability. Thanks for sharing your experience! Many Blessings to you in 2017- Lisa xx
Thank you for your kind words, Lisa. As you know, traversing through grief is not an easy journey. It is a blessing when we find that something special to help us get through the rough moments. It’s my hope that I inspire others to find their special something that’ll help them to live life in forward motion. Many blessing to you! <3
*Many blessings to you in 2018!
<3 May Love, Peace, Joy and Prosperity be abundant in 2018. <3
Your lovely bowl is filled with the depth of your soul and will be a forever reminder of your healing journey. Show it proudly my courageous friend! <3
Your comment reminded me of what a friend shared with me when I showed her a picture of the bowl. She said it looks like a galaxy. She added, “There’s so much to explore in there.” Thank you for your continued love and support, Debra.
A galaxy…perfect! I am always here for you…xoxo
Vulnerability is the key to so much that we seek within us! I love the freedom associated with vulnerability! Thanks for writing this post!
I like that – “Vulnerability is the key to so much that we seek within us.” Thank you for your kind words, Krystal.
Love this even better with the second reading!
Awwwwwe… Melt my heart. What would I do without you in my life? <3
I totally love that bowl. You are such a gifted artist. I hope you’ll continue to create and share. The world needs you!
How kind of you to say, Jill. Your words touched my heart! I will continue to create; it’s in my nature. There’s something mystical about working with the clay that connects me to the Earth and grounds me.
I’m glad you like the bowl, Jill. I’m finding great healing through the process of creating art and intend to dapple in all sorts of artistic mediums. Thank you!
What a beautiful bowl, I love how the creativity of making the bowl has birthed the creativity of writing about it and sharing it with the world. You are already paying it forward by giving us the gift of your experience and healing journey.
I guess I had not thought of it that way – I am paying IT forward. Interesting! May we all find love, connection and joy from sharing our stories. Sharing our stories can have an amazing impact on others as they wander their own journey. Thank you, Rachel!
That particular bowl helped me to expand and release a lot of pent up ‘stuff’ that I wasn’t aware of. Thank you for recognizing that I am ‘paying it forward’. I got caught up on how I thought it should be paid forward in one or two specific ways that I didn’t notice all the opportunities. Thank you, Rachel!
I love it Cindy!!! So much love to you!!!
It warms my heart to know this resonated with you, Tarah. Much love to you, as well.
Thank you, Tarah! Much love to you, as well.