Let me explain ~ there’s a story behind everything wrong within my home.
Prepping my home to be listed was hard work. It felt good to toss this and that into the yard sale pile, those things into the trash and touch the possessions I wish to keep. It felt good to patch the wall where a young boy’s foot accident went through the drywall, fill in the hole from when we moved the thermostat and finish the drywall left undone for at least fifteen years. It’s not perfect, but my home certainly looks and feels better.
Wait. Change those words, Cynthia. This home. I’m selling this home. If I continue to claim this house as mine I will never sell it. Law of attraction, right?
Today a man is coming to
my this home to do inspections per an agreement for purchase. My imagination is determined to envision a man with a magnifying glass evaluating every chore left undone, find dust bunnies roaming under the furniture and point out ALL the flaws. The fear is they will have nothing good to say about the condition of the house and point a finger at me, and say, “You’re an inadequate homeowner.”
But, wait… Life happened here. I am one person. I cannot do it all. I didn’t ask for help. And, the internal dialog of excuses intensifies. Damn it.
The vulnerability of someone picking apart all that I have allowed to fall to the wayside when I was in a space of “learning” is ruthless. Learning – that’s what I am calling the period of time it took me to wander through my darkest days/weeks/years. I uncovered a lot of teaching opportunities as I met my dark shadows of the soul head on.
I’m not lazy ~ I had a toxic job… my son died… Please allow me to give you an excuse I feel you’ll accept as to why it’s not perfect!
The learning experience (during the dark shadows of the soul) stripped away all the false illusions I had absorbed from other people’s description of me. Sparing you from the gory details, I found Me. The beautiful, intelligent, loving Me that makes me Me. It is through life’s experiences that we learn boundaries, self-appreciation, strengthen our bullshit meter, learn who we can trust and who we should gracefully excuse from our precious focus.
I’m certain the gentleman doing the inspection will have a list of things that need improvement. The anxiety has subsided momentarily as I look at the clock and know that I have only a few hours to vacuum, mop, scrub the toilets and put away the dishes. He’s here to look at the roof-line, the foundation and the structure. He’s not here to critique my cleanliness.
Once I acknowledged my uneasy emotions, I was able to see my inner critic snickering and teasing, “Gotcha!”
I am trusting all is well… I know it is time for me to hand the keys to the next owners. Life is an amazing adventure.
Hi Cindy –
I love this post. And I’m so glad to see you claiming the beautiful, intelligent, loving you that makes you You rather than hanging on to a building. Best of luck with the process and much love coming your way.
Thank you, Andrea. I am savoring the pack ‘n purge process. It’s a great opportunity for me to witness my life in the items I’ve hung onto all these years. I cannot wait for what’s next!
Cindy, I can only imagine what you have gone through in the safety of those walls. It is very evident that you and your family have moved through happy and sad times there. I want to acknowledge your courage in choosing to move to another house with walls that will also keep you safe and hold the space for your continued growth! The walls that the inspector will be looking at today are beautiful and perfect in their imperfections and they are grateful to you for having shown them life and what it means to live. Sending hugs your way!
Thank you for the support and kind words, Crystal. These walls have witnessed the joys and breakdowns, the love and defeat of family life. It’s time to expand and allow someone else to weed my beautiful gardens.
Any buyer coming into that home will feel the love in the walls, the floors, the ceiling, everywhere. The rest is just cosmetics. I’m so proud of you!
Yes… You are right, Barb. The next couple will feel the love, joy and abundance upon these 20 acres. As always, thank you for your continued love and support.
Cindy I know that feeling, that it all has to be perfect and that is in our eyes only. I am sure the inspection went well and now you have released it to the world the perfect owner will appear xo
Now it is a matter of waiting to see what the gentleman reports on his findings. I was not here at the time of the inspection to answer any questions or offer any insights. Who knows, maybe it’s better that I wasn’t home then. 😉
Thank you for sharing your journey. Lots of love to you!!! xo
Lots of love to you, Tarah. Thank you…
I love seeing how you go through an inner process of growth and self-acceptance through the act of selling the house. You have been doing an amazing work prepping it for the next person/people who will call it home. And you have been creating space for you to find your next one, may it be a place of love and deep healing.
Aw. Such lovely words, Rachel. Thank you. You’ve witnessed the journey I’ve traversed over the past couple of years, so you truly know how far I’ve come. I thank you for all your love, support and countless pearls of wisdom. You’re a wise one, my friend.
I love the Law of Attraction part, Cindy. Selling a home brings out different emotions compared to thinking of selling a property (even shifting the mindset to think of a beloved place as a property is challenging).
Knowing that any buyer who comes in will find a fault or two not because they want to but they are looking at things from their perspective should be taken with a pinch of salt.
I prefer an ‘as is where is’ sale because I know the new buyer will refurbish to their needs.
Thank you for the dose of reality, Vatsala. You’re correct. The new homeowners are not looking for the flaws, they are seeking the possibilities! It is the fear-full mind that diminishes perspective and limits our vision.
Cindy, I one day will sell this home I am in. Thank you for the my to this substitution, that makes so much sense to me! I feel your vulnerability as this home I am in is not perfect but life happened here. Thanks for your wisdom. I wish you many blessings on this adventure and with your next home. Hugs! xx