Where I Am Meant To Be

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When I read the following quote on Kelley Grimes’ blog post titled “Are You Exactly Where You Need To Be?“, I felt a whoosh of energy flow through every cell in my body. There’s something weaved into Amy’s words that I need to explore.

“I am exactly where I need to be, I need to be exactly where I am, I am surrendering so willingly…” ~Amy Steinberg

Traversing through this God-forsaken journey of grieving the loss of my son has been hell, to say the least. For the past month, it has felt like the Universe has strapped my ass down to a chair and told me I cannot get up until I review the past thirty years of my life. I’ve experienced more personal -growth, -destruction, -expansion, -loathing, but the hardest lesson I am contending with right now is self-UNCONDITIONAL-love. Yeah, this one is the hardest pill I’ve had to swallow.

Since April, I have…

…learned the painful lesson of how to be a better parent/role model/friend/guide a bit too late. I accept that I did the best I could with what I knew then. Hindsight is not always kind.

…accepted, and fully understand, that each person has free-will to make their own choices. This wisdom is a blessing and a curse.

…a better understanding of gratitude. No one can show, tell, force, teach, expect, guide you on how to be grateful. It is something you experience. Gratitude is an emotion that casts a unique vibration of love you feel.

…stopped pushing myself to be what I thought I was meant to be. Wow. There’s a statement to ponder. I have stopped pushing myself to be what I thought I was meant to be. An AHA lurched from my heart as it skipped a beat. Once I allowed myself time to just be, I gained insight and clarity on how I can best serve others as coach. More importantly, I am trusting each footstep and know I am divinely guided to where I am going.

…accepted unconditional love and compassion. It’s well-known that it’s easier to give love than receive it. Our mindset and beliefs of self interprets how to we allow others to extend their love and compassion to us. People can love you openly, however you cannot feel their expression of love if you are not open to receiving it. Another statement to ponder.

Hindsight is not always kind. This wisdom is a blessing and a curse. There is grand potential for me to help others with what I learn.

In my journey as a coach, I have had the good fortune to meet some amazing professionals. Each one of us has unique talents and offerings to help transform the lives of those who seek to improve their situation. I feel we gain valuable insights and wisdom through our powerful stories. In my opinion, the best coaches coach based on the experiences they have lived. I am walking through the hardest journey of my life for a reason – there is a reason for everything – and it is to help people adjust to their situations so they too can live life in a forward motion.

I am grateful for the Divine’s (God/Spirit/Intuition) insistence that I sit down and rest. It is during this time that I am witnessing more of what I want to experience and that which I do not. I am simply letting go of my need to control and trusting my intuition. I am exactly where I need to be, I need to be exactly where I am, I am surrendering so willingly.

I am adjusting my perception of life. Are you ready to adjust yours?

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15 Responses

  1. Barb Parcells

    Oh, dear one, I also felt something move within when I read her words. Now I am wiping tears as I read yours. I am using this most holy season to review where I have been and where I am supposed to be going both in my work and in my personal life. I am blessed and honored to be on this journey with you.

    • ckkochis

      I’m beginning to think I owe you a box of tissues. Our friendship is a blessing and greatest gift we give each other is unconditional support and love. Enjoy the process of reviewing where you’ve been and exploring where you desire to traverse. Life is an amazing adventure; it was never intended to be lived in gray-scale.

  2. Tae

    Cindy, I’m also in this state of exploring where I am to go next. I have been for over a year & I haven’t experienced the same depth of grief & loss as you. So allow yourself the time & it will come. We will travel he path together my friend & make all sorts of discoveries along he way. XO

    • ckkochis

      It’s not been an easy year (plus) for you, Tae. I continue to hold you in my prayers as you travel the path before you. I am gifting myself time for discovery and healing. As I’ve mentioned a million times previous – Life is an amazing adventure… Thank you for your unconditional support and love.

  3. Leila

    Oh Cindy, as I read through your post am consoled to know you are finding peace with yourself and where you are today. Your grief is really deep and only the Divine can heal and sooth. I have you in my prayers, that you will come out stronger and better. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

  4. Jill Celeste

    Cindy, I am so proud of you. You *are* exactly where you are supposed to be. There is definitely a reason for this journey you are on – though it’s not apparent right now. Thank you for always writing and loving and being vulnerable.

    • ckkochis

      I do feel there’s a purpose to ‘all of this’. Right now I am focusing on today, and allowing the purpose to show itself to me. I’m not in a hurry, nor poking around looking for how I can fix it. I am doing the hardest thing possible for me – simply allowing. You know me well enough to know I don’t sit still very well. Thank you, Jill, for everything. You’re an amazing friend.

  5. Peggy

    Sending you love and light as you navigate your journey. From my own experience allowing myself to be exactly where I was opened up more, so much more.

    Blessings to you and your family ❤️

    • ckkochis

      I treasure the love ‘n light, and pearls of wisdom you share with me unconditionally. Thank you, Peggy.

  6. Kelley Grimes

    Cindy this is such a powerful and deeply moving post. Your commitment to share your grief process is so inspiring and I thank you for your courage to write about it. I am so grateful that you found Amy Steinberg’s lyrics transformative as I have found the entire song to be. I am moved by your words, “I am grateful for the Divine’s (God/Spirit/Intuition) insistence that I sit down and rest. It is during this time that I am witnessing more of what I want to experience and that which I do not. I am simply letting go of my need to control and trusting my intuition. I am exactly where I need to be, I need to be exactly where I am, I am surrendering so willingly.” I am sending you so much love and compassion as you nurture yourself on this journey.

    • ckkochis

      Oh my… Kelley, you have me in tears of gratitude. I’ve attempted to listen to the song, but cannot hit the play button. I’m still too sensitive to a lot of music (especially those which evoke emotions). When I’m ready I will find that song and crack my heart wide open. It warms my heart to know my story is inspiring and may possibly offer support to someone else. Thank you, Kelley!

  7. Andrea

    I think that “to sit and rest” is one of the most difficult journeys we can undertake. Thank you for sharing your painful, enlightening, overwhelming, humbling, soul-crushing, illuminating journey with us. Much love, a

  8. Crystal Cockerham

    Cindy, I want to honor your courage to share this with the world. As I read this post, I could feel your heartache and your struggle. I wish you all you need and more to continue to move through this part of your journey. If you need and want it, I would like to send you a virtual hug full of healing and the promises of better tomorrows!
    Are you familiar with the Celtic Woman song, “Send Me A Song”?

  9. Suzie Cheel

    Cindy, the hindsight got me as well as my heart going out to you over the loss. Thank you for sharing your journey, loving oneself I now know is a lifelong path xxoo

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