It’s Okay To Cry

You have my FULL permission to feel what you feel when you feel it. And don’t you dare stifle your emotions because it makes someone else uncomfortable. Let those tears flow, damn it!

For those of you who know of me via the masks of social media and blog posts, and to those who know me on a more intimate level, I need to share a personal detail about myself that may or may not surprise you. For forty-nine years, I refused to cried in front of anyone; over the phone – rarely, in person – not that I remember.

I am the strong one, the rock, the person people go to when crisises arise. I have a natural ability to set my emotions to the side, take care the situation and then have my emotional melt-down approximately two weeks later when everyone has adjusted to the traumatic event.

Since April 10, 2017, I have received armloads of helpful and harmful advice regarding how I should (or shouldn’t) grieve. It has taken me months to truly appreciate that how I grieve is how I grieve. There is no prodigal, nor a right or wrong way to feel what I feel.

Moments ago, my son Mason sent me a text: “Would you like to be sad today or do you have to work?”

I replied, “Oh God. What happened?”

“Nothing. Just found something sad.”

After sharing with Mason what I was doing, he sent me this:

Tears rolled in gratitude. I miss Jeremiah’s voice. I miss the wisp of cigarette smoke following him inside from standing on the side porch. I miss his quirky smile. I miss his sass. I miss everything about my son.

As I sat in silence after hearing his voice for the first time since his death, I thought about the comment I posted on Debra Oakland’s blog article “A Soul Visits Earth” early this morning. I wrote: “Inspirational! There is grand beauty and wisdom weaved throughout this article. This is a powerful reminder that what we choose to believe impacts not only our story, but those surrounding us. The past year has proven to be the most challenging and heartbreaking. I am doing my best to focus on the blessings and not succumb to the naysayers and those who command me to ‘stop crying’. I’m a survivor; I never cried in front of anyone. Never. Now, with all that has happened, I value my tears as allowing myself the freedom to express my emotion in that particular moment. This rough ‘n tough gal is loosening up and embracing her tender heart. Life is an amazing adventure…”

Why am I sharing this private moment with you? Because I, just like you, have people in my life that make it clear they do not want to be near me when I have a moment of grieving fill my eyes and heart. It takes courage to allow our selves the freedom to be in the full expression of our emotions.

I fully understand, it is safe for me to cry.

Sunday evening, a mom carrying her daughter walked the restaurant window we sat at. The young girl tipped her head back to catch snowflakes on her tongue. Tears welled up and cascaded down my face as I flashed back to the previous year when Jeremiah, his son and I stood in the front yard eating free-falling snowflakes. My friend sitting across the half eaten pizza has gotten used to my spontaneous reaction and jokes that waitresses all over area think he’s a bastard for making me cry at dinner. I promised him, at some point, I will wear a t-shirt that reads: Grieving Momma. Expect Random Crying.

It is safe for you to cry. Go ahead, Sweet One, cry. Let life flow…

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Author, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach & Virtual Assistant

I transformed my Integrative Nutrition Health Coaching practice to the foundation of Elements For A Healthier Life Magazine. As the Founder and Publisher of monthly digital health and wellness magazine, I provide a forum for people to share their personal stories, professional insights, and healthy recipes. When I am not working on my magazine, I'm is a virtual assistant, transformation coach, author, grandmother, and sassy redhead.

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12 Responses

  1. Debra Oakland

    Thank you for sharing Jeremiah’s voice and for your sweet comment on my blog post. It is safe for you to cry and express yourself. It’s all part of the healing process. Love and Hugs to you Cindy, from a mother who understands.

    • ckkochis

      You are welcome, Debra.

      When I responded to your blog post, I knew there was a reason it evoked such emotions. I simply had to wait and allow “it” to blossom. Sitting and listening to his voice for the second time, I realized the words I wrote hours previous were meant to be shared; as well as my tears.

      Thank you for your continuous love and support. And yes, we understand each other’s experiences. Much love to you and yours.

  2. Rachel

    It gave me chills, I am holding you close and tight, let the tears flow, they are very welcomes with me.

  3. Leila

    Thank you for sharing with us Cindy. It’s alright for you to cry if you want to, it’s how you want to grief and we support you through it all, knowing God is able to keep your heart and mind in perfect peace.

  4. Barb Parcells

    God wouldn’t have given us the ability to cry if our tears weren’t useful or valuable. They help to cleanse the soul. Hugs and kisses!

  5. Tae

    Thank you for sharing this precious message. I’d tell those folks that are tired of you crying that you’ve got a lot of soul cleansing to do from holding it all in for most of your life. Your tears are welcome here….if it takes months, years or decades for them to subside. Let it flow, sista! And buy that T-shirt baby!

    • ckkochis

      Tae, your sense of humor always makes me giggle. Buy the t-shirt? Nah. I shall create it!

      Your strength and encouragement is a powerful gift. Thank you for sharing it with me. Much love to you and yours.

  6. Jenn

    So nice to hear Jer’s voice. I think of him so often. Imagining he’s helping push people out of snowbanks this winter, with all the snow we’ve gotten so far. Whenever I see a big truck or SUV with tall tires, I’m always looking at the driver, imagining it might be him; almost waving on so many occasions, because I forget he’s not physically here anymore.
    For years, I used to “run into” Uncle Russell – so many different times, I would be going some random place & there was someone who had the same hair or profile – I don’t know how many times I’ve been taken aback, thinking, “Hey!” but of course, he’s no longer physically here either.

    These reminders warm my heart, even though it hurts, & even though there are often tears.
    I miss these men in my life, as I know you do. Sending you love, strength & encouragement to continue to keep the grieving process flowing, whatever it may bring. Much big love.

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