Call When You Think Of Me

posted in: Life As I Witnessed It | 0
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Our intuition is a gift that is often times ignored.

I know there’s been times when I’ve shushed my inner voice and regretted it later.

Often when I run into people at the grocery store and on the rare occasion I’m at a social event, friends will say, “I was just thinking of you the other day”, “You’ve been heavy on my mind, are you okay?” or “I thought about calling you the other day because I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

I fight the temptation to spiral down the rabbit hole and demand answers as to why didn’t you call or text me; am I unworthy of a phone call; you’re afraid of my crying, aren’t you; I suppose you’re just another person I’ll add to the growing list of people who are too busy to care; and… and… and…damn it. Instead of speaking out and sharing what I’m thinking, I reply with a simple, “Thanks for thinking of me. That’s sweet of you.” Smile and nod. Smile and nod.

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.” – Albert Einstein

What I am desperately wanting to convey is – we are all connected. There’s a reason you are thinking of me and wondering if I’m okay. It’s because your intuition is beckoning you to acknowledge the energetic vibration I’ve cast out into the universe. My voice is silent, but my energy isn’t.

Most days I am the recognizable Cindy ya’all know and love, and then there are the days I can’t seem to put two thoughts together, function like an intelligent woman, stop crying and/or pick myself up off the floor. Grief does that to ya, ya know.

Grieving has to be one of the loneliest experiences of my life. I thought going through a divorce was painful and lonely. Shit, that’s a cake walk compared to the death of a child. I told my youngest son he has to live forever. No and’s, if’s or but’s…he has to live to be a very old man.

I’m not one to reach out when I emotionally hurt. It’s a flaw, I understand. I hate being vulnerable. Somewhere ingrained deep within my psyche I believe when I share how I feel I am burdening people and deflating their good mood. The hard part is when I finally do get the courage to talk to a friend, they don’t answer their phone, text messages seem to miraculously evaporate into an abyss, or I am told, “Sorry, can I get a raincheck? We should get together soon.” I get it. I’m not good company when I’m sad.

So, the next time someone resides heavy on your mind, listen. Your intuition is gifting you an important message. Send that person a call, text, write an letter or instant message. Your compassion is a blessing and it could save a life. We all need to know we matter to someone.

Today my head is above the grief cesspool; tomorrow may be a different story.

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